Smoking cessation and humour

Healthline does it again. They put up a website in 2014 entitled ‘29 Things Only a Person Who’s Quitting Smoking Would Understand’. Apart from the crudity and smugness of the writing, it’s another example of everything that’s wrong with the orthodox approach to the smoking problem. For a start, the very idea of ‘quitting smoking’ implies it’s a process. But it isn’t. There are only two states one can be in with regard to smoking: either you smoke, or you don’t.

Before we come to the first thing in the list, they cheerfully inform us, ‘Quitting smoking is no easy task. Learn to laugh along with your struggle.’ Are they trying to make a joke of it? Well, there’s many a true word spoken in jest. Or many a true jest spoken in words.

I’m not going to go over all the twenty-nine things; we’ll just look at a few representative ones.

  1. Someone suggested that you try baby carrots when you’re having a craving, which is clearly ridiculous. You can’t smoke a carrot.

Having a craving? What does that feel like? Or maybe there’s something ridiculous about the idea of having a craving. Or is it because of having a craving that quitting smoking is no easy task?

  1. Is there anything better than a cigarette with a cup of coffee? Is there?!?! (sic)

Yes, a cup of coffee without a cigarette.

  1. Two days after quitting, if someone said, “Pick one: A cigarette or incredible sex, right now,” it would be the toughest decision of your life.

It wouldn’t be tough at all – there would be no hesitation in choosing the cigarette. This just shows you how smokers are in the unfortunate position of not being able to enjoy anything in their lives unless their need for nicotine has been satisfied.

  1. When you set a date to quit smoking, it quickly devolves into a rough approximation of the month in which you might start to consider thinking about quitting.

This perpetuates the false idea that there’s something wonderful about smoking. See my blog about why setting a quit date is a bad idea (http://nicotinemonkey.com/?p=377).

  1. The pact you made with a friend to quit together means you have to turn on ninja mode anytime you sneak a cigarette.

Similarly to No 7, it implies the absurd idea of the allure of cigarettes.

  1. You heard that nicotine may slow the progression of Alzheimer’s, and you rationalize that it’s actually better for your health to smoke.

As Donald Trump would say, ‘Wrong!’ Smoking is a risk factor for getting Alzheimer’s disease.

  1. When your doctor tells you that you should quit, you begin to think that you really ought to find a different doctor.

Very funny. But what this means is that many smokers don’t really want to quit.

  1. Nicotine gum is just like regular gum, except it comes with side effects like dizziness and nausea.

True. You don’t need more nicotine to get off the nicotine in cigarettes.

  1. What do non-smokers do after a nap? After vacuuming? After doing anything?

They get on with their lives without poisoning themselves with tobacco.

  1. Friends have found you staring longingly at used cigarette butts on the ground.

Same as No 8.

  1. You’ve read this entire list and really feel like you deserve a cigarette as a reward for your dedication.

Very funny again. Except it isn’t. The reality that eludes smokers is that not smoking is its own reward.

All numbered lists of this sort – the x best ways to quit, or y things you never knew about smoking, etc., miss the point.

It’s not a lack of knowledge of harmful effects of smoking or lack of information about  different ways or techniques to quit that are the reasons for smokers’ apparent difficulties. The problem is lack of understanding of a) why one really smokes in the first place and b) why smoking seems so hard to quit.

It’s easy to make up for these deficiencies in a smoker’s understanding; then easy quitting will follow.

Text © Gabriel Symonds

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